Scenes from the ER

"So, how much alcohol do you drink? A case a night?"

"Nooooo, not a case. Not anything like that."

"How much, then?"

"Oh, only about 10 beers a night."

"Uh. Hm. And how's that working out for you?"

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"So what brings you to the emergency room this morning?"

"Well, I woke up with this weird rash. And I knew my doctor's office would be busy and I wouldn't be able to see anyone until like 2 pm, and I just didn't feel like waiting."

"So. . . you came to the EMERGENCY room?"

"Yeah!"

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"I smoke about 2 packs per day of cigarettes, been doin' it for about 20 years."

"Have you thought about quitting?"

"Yeah, I used the nicotine patch for about a week. Worked good, I didn't want to smoke at all. But I stopped it."

"Why was that?"

"Oh, it made my chest feel funny. Kind of tight."

"Hmm. And how's your breathing been lately?"

"Not too good. My doctor says something about. . . emphysema? Something like that."

"I guess having shortness of breath and having to wear oxygen for the rest of your life would make your chest feel kind of funny, too, huh?"

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(that smacking sound you hear is my hand impacting on my head. Over. . . and over . . . and over . . . )